Faith Never
by Bug-eyed Monster
Summary: Series of things that Faith Lehane never did or never happened to her.
1. Faith Never Had a Fed Say Call Me

Title: "Faith Never Had... a Fed say 'Call Me.'"  
Author: Bug Eyed Monster  
Rating: Teen- for censored swear words and insults.  
Category: General  
Spoilers: End of TV series for Buffy; None for Numb3rs.  
Warnings: none  
Summary: Faith has a conversation with a federal agent in a park. BtVS/Numb3rs crossover. Mild crossover with Early Edition. I don't own anything. I would love to own Edgerton though. This fic also contains a slight reference to "But It's Pretty, Pink and Flowery!" You really don't have to read that to read this.

"Let me talk to her, sir." the rookie Buffy Summers said and then dashed off before Special Agent Don Eppes could deny her permission.

"Hey, Faith."

Lehane turned, and glared. "What the f*ck ya' doin' here, Summers?"

"Shoe shopping. What the f*ck are you doing in L.A., Faith?"

"Who the f*ck made you Guardian of the City? Cheerleader." Faith spat out the word "cheerleader" like a Death Eater saying "mudblood."

"Skank."  
"Bitch."  
"Slut."  
"Prude."

"Prude!?" Summers looked offended. "I am not a prude!"  
"Are too."  
"Not."  
"Too."  
"Not."  
"Too."  
"Trailer trash."

Lehane laughed. "I'm straight out the trailer!" Buffy Summers laughed as well and the two hugged like junior high school girls. "Ya lookin' good, B. How's little D?"

"Good. She finally got her doctorate. Speaks 14 languages now. Can't remember how many dead ones she reads, and who wants to read musty old books anyway?"

"She does, and I bet she keeps her musty old books far away from you."

Summers rolled her eyes. "It was only one old musty book. Giles has a ton of them. I swear, you ruin one priceless old book, and no one lets you forget."

"Sh*t. I wouldn't have used it for a coaster. Now a spanking paddle, yeah, that I would have." The two laughed.

Lehane suddenly turned serious. "You talk to Hobson in Chicago or Cooper in New York?" Summers shook her head, and said, "But Giles told me about it."

Lehane sighed. "It's sort of the same here. I've got bits and pieces of some traffickers. They're selling kids, B. Picking 'em up in the outskirts of China or Myanmar or where ever and bringing 'em here. I don't have enough info."

"Willow told me about Linda. You do realize that you probably shouldn't be buying kids?" Summers had a look of concern on her face.

"Sh*t, B. Who am I gonna' tell?"  
"How about the feds?"  
Lehane snorted. "Like the feds are gonna' listen to an ex-con."  
Summers gave a shy smile. "I'm a fed."  
Lehane laughed. "What about that gym you burned down?"

Summers looked affronted. "That was in my _juvenile_ record. Besides, the fire marshal said it could have been mice."

Lehane raised an eyebrow.

"Mice smoking cigarettes?" Summers suggested. Lehane laughed, "It sure ain't close to any of the sh*t I got up to."

Summers expression softened. "I mean it when I say you can call me." She perked up and told Lehane. "Oh, I got a high score on my marksmanship!"

"I ain't surprised."  
"My last day I did better than my instructor, and he was a RECON sniper in the Marines." Summers piped up cheerfully. Yeah, Don remembered hearing about that from Edgerton. Ian had been happily buzzed on finding a student who finally surpassed the teacher.

Lehane laughed. "Ya' shoot like a girl, Summers."

"Of course." Summers said.

"Cause girls kick a$$." The two said in unison and laughed.

Lehane looked at Summers' feet. "Shoe shopping." She shook her head. "What a pitiful excuse. Those have got to be the plainest shoes I've ever seen you wear."

Summers pouted. "It's the ankle holster. It limits my shoe choices. But I really mean it when I say call me." Summers pulled out her card, and handed it to Lehane with an excited squeal. "I mean it, call me."

"Okay." Lehane said. "I'll catch you later."

"Bye. Call me." Summers called after Lehane as Lehane waved at her.

As soon as Lehane was out of sight, Summers ran over to Don Eppes. "See, sir. Easy as pie. As in the pie you eat not the pi in math 'cause I could never get that pi-"

Don crossed his arms and glared at Buffy Summers. "You're this friendly with someone who kidnapped your little sister and tried to kill you?"

Buffy sighed. "Look, I've done shit I shouldn't have, and she gets along with my sister now. She was going through some stuff then, Faith, I mean. Okay, so the kidnapping of my little sis was of the bad, and I've forgiven her for trying to kill me."

"Besides, Dawnie's told Faith that she'd tear out her intestines and use them for Christmas tinsel if Faith tried to hurt me again. And I gave Faith the shovel threat if she tried to hurt Dawn, so we're all good now."

Don had to hear the shovel threat. "Shovel?"

Summers nodded like a perky cheerleader. "Death by bludgeoning with a shovel. 'Cause it takes you longer to die, you can get a shovel most anywheres, and they're easier to get rid of. Plus you've got something handy to bury the body with." She rocked on her ankles and bobbed her head from side to side, that silly blonde!ditz grin on her face.

Don imagined Summer threatening an ex-con with death by shovel. He chuckled.

*fin*

Okay, so it's not really finished... this bunny has been talking to me.


	2. Had a Fed She Could Call, part one

Title: "Faith Never Had a Fed She Could Call, Part 1"  
Author: Bug Eyed Monster  
Rating: Adult to be safe  
Category: General  
Spoilers: End of TV series for Buffy; None for Numb3rs.  
Warnings: Language, references to child sexual abuse- nothing specific.  
Summary: Faith follows up on Buffy's request. Continuation of "Never Had a Fed Say 'Call Me'." BtVS/Numb3rs crossover. Minor crossover with Early Edition. The word "Chester" is sometimes used as slang for a molester.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Colby leaned his head into Don's cubicle. "Don, Lehane's on line 5 waiting for Summers."

Don raised a surprised eyebrow and clicked in the speaker. Colby signaled to the rookie Summers who picked up.

"Hey, cheerleader. F*cked any drunk frat boys yet?"

"No, they're all too busy playing 'lets raise demons by sacrificing virgins'. So, trailer trash, screwed any truck drivers yet?"

Don rolled his eyes as Summers and Lehane continued to mock insult each other. Finally, Lehane got to the point.

"I'm at the race track. Ya' gotta' come by and see what I've got."

"Can't you just tell me?"

"Aw, don't ya' even wanna' try to guess? I'll let you have 6 guesses."

"Faith, just tell me, please."

"Give ya' a hint. She's really cute."

Summers was silent for a few moments, then spoke. "Faith, you can't be buying kids. That's illegal!"

"B, I couldn't leave her. There was a couple of Chesters there. They were talking 'bout how cute her mouth was. I took her by that Chinese restaurant on 6th Street. The owner lady told me the kid said her parents gave her to some guy who said rich Americans were looking to adopt kids. They're really poor folk from north-y west-y China, so they gave her away."

Don rubbed his face. He could see the same horror he felt on the faces of his team. What a lie to tell the parents and the kids.

"I've got some more sh*t. Come meet me and I'll tell you all."

Summers rolled her eyes. "Why at the track?"

"'Cause I spent 200 gees on this kid. I need me some monies."

Colby choked. Summers coughed. "$200,000! That's a lot of shoes."

"You and your shoe fetish, B."

"I do not have a shoe fetish!"

"Do too."  
"Do not."  
"Too."  
"Not."  
"Too."  
"Not."  
"Whatever." Don could almost hear Lehane rolling her eyes. "Just come on down. Ya' might want to take her to your office and talk with one of them translators."

Summers glanced towards Don's direction. Don nodded. "Yeah, I'll be there. Where are we going to meet?"

Faith waved at Summers. Summers made her way through the crowd over to Faith. The kid was sitting on a seat near Lehane, eating an ice cream cone, clinging to Lehane.

"Yo, Shukey." Lehane pulled the ice cream sticky child towards Summers and squatted down by the girl. "Here's Buffy Summers." Lehane pointed at Summers. "Say hi." Lehane waved at Summers. The girl followed Lehane's example. Summers took the girl's hand.

"Eww. Her hand is all sticky." Summers said.  
"Yeah, she's gotten it all over her face and hands. And me too."  
"I hope she's not lactic intolerant."  
"That's lactose, you nit, and it's from some place in Chinatown. The seller said it wasn't milk-based."

"Something else non-milk-y?"  
"Yeah, don't remember what. WHOO-WHEE! YEAH! I WON!"

Don winced and rubbed his ear. At least they knew the wire was working.

Colby made a crack. "That woman has a voice like a grenade blast. My ears are ringing."

Faith Lehane made her way to the ticket booths, singing "I'm in the money." What she lacked in musical talent, she made up with enthusiasm.

"Faith, you said you had info..."

"Oh, yeah." Lehane leaned in and spoke quietly. "There's another auction two nights from now. 10365 Santa Clara Avenue. It's a pretty mansion, the owners were drug dealers."

"Huh?" said Summers.  
"Oh, how eloquent, Buffy." Colby quipped.

"It starts at 7 pee em. Like we meet for chips and dips and them meat topped crackers, and then have the auction. Heard a rumor the owners of the house have stopped dealing drugs 'cause there's too many ways to get caught. Apparently it's easier to bring in people."

"You can use my secondary Internet handler. It's kittenlover67. I've been using kittentrader2000." Lehane offered.

"Ya see," Lehane explained, "they know I don't like them kid fu*king freaks. I keep calling them pencil dicks. Most those guys, if I saw their dicks, I'd be mocking." Here she waggled her little finger.

"But yet they invited you." said Summers.

"They think I've got a rich client with connections. Plus for once, my record actually helps. They figure the cops ain't gonna take me seriously. Or that I'm not gonna go squealing to 'em."

Faith happily got in line to redeem her betting slips. Summers made small talk to the child, who chatted back quite a bit in her language. At one point Sukey started singing something and swinging Buffy's arm.

"Uh...Don... you're going to really need a good translator." Colby said. "I think that sounds more like Dungan or Kyrgyz. I know Mandarin, and what's she's speaking sounds similar..." Colby's voice trailed off indecisively.

"Right." Don acknowledged.

Lehane passed by Buffy and hooked her finger at Summers. She hummed and skipped along as she counted her winnings. She stopped by the stables area and held some of cash out toward Summers. "Here, B. For the kid."

Don said, "Summers, don't-"

"Thanks, Faith." Summers showed the money to the kid. "We'll find a nice lawyer and have this put away for when you grow up and go to college." She put it in a front pocket.

Faith snorted. "What about trade school? Them fancy Wall Street guys can't do their own plumbing, and they gotta' keep their fancy Benz-ies running so they can pick up call girls."

"Fine. For whatever she needs when she graduates from high school. Good?"

"Yeah." Lehane's eyes flashed at something behind Summers. "Uh-oh. F*ck. Don't look now but a mob boss is heading this way."

Summers turned. The local mob boss, Kolzak, (who had taken over from Tobakian) was walking toward Faith looking very unhappy about something. Buffy turned on her Valley Girl charm and waved with a giggle.

"Hi! You're cute." Summers said it with all the peppiness of a gold-digging Valley Girl. Or a cheerleader. Kolzak wasn't cute, too much liquor and good living had taken its toll.

Faith leaned over to mock stage whisper at Summers. "He thinks I've got some fancy number system going. Doesn't believe me when I say my new cat picks the winners."

"Gee, I wonder why." Summers quipped, still exuding Valley Girl. "'Cause, like, a dog would probably make much more sense. Or you could say you use the oh-u-ja board." She giggled.

Kolzak's eyes raked over Summers and disregarded her as a threat. Don had seen many perps do that when Summers turned on the Valley Girl act. It was always amusing to see their faces once she had them on the ground.

Kolzak glared at Lehane. "Give it up, Lehane."

Summers pulled the kid behind her.

"Ya might wanna' get outta' here, B." Faith said aside. She then strutted forward towards Kolzak. "I told ya, my cat picks the winners. That's my system."

Kolzak sneered at Lehane. "I've waited long enough for your answer." He nodded at his bully boys. They rushed Faith, who took up a defensive stance. "GET HER OUTTA' HERE, B!"

Summers picked up the kid and ran towards her team's position.

"Damn! Go, go, go, GO!" Don and his team raced past Summers towards the stables. Don had his gun drawn and pointed at the ground. He checked everyone's position, then nodded at David and Colby to take the lead and knock open the doors.

"F.B.-"

Don blinked. Kolzak and his bully boys were lying unconscious on the stable floor. Lehane was nowhere in sight.

Colby looked up, circling around to see if Lehane could be on one of the rafters overhead. "Da*n, she's not up there, Don."

"Has anyone sighted Lehane?" Don resisted the urge to swear and/or throw something as the reports of "negative" came in.

Liz was squatting by the baddies. "Don, I'm impressed. These guys are out cold."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm sorry, but I thought it was more important to get the innocent child out of there." Buffy snapped. They were back at HQ, Don had Buffy in the war-room.

Don resisted snapping back at her. She was right, he knew it, she knew it.

"Besides, I knew Faith could handle herself. She's really good at martial arts and self defense."

"Your level or better."

"I think she's my level, but she might be better."

Don ground down the coffee stirrer he had in his mouth.

"What's wrong, boss?"

"That wasn't in her file."

Buffy made a face like something slimy had left a trail on her new Stuart Weitzman shoes. "Let me guess, Sunnydale cops wrote up that file?"

Don raised an eyebrow, a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Buffy sighed. "I should have known this would come up. Remember how Lt. Walker said that no police department in So'Cal will take any Sunnydale cops?" Don nodded.

Buffy continued. "That's because most of them didn't bother to investigate anything unless Mayor Wilkins let 'em. The sheriff and his deputies were in Wilkins' pocket. Faith was Wilkins' bully girl, if Wilkins didn't want something known about her, well... you get the picture."

Don rubbed his face. Crooked cops, great, just great. He crossed his arms and leaned against table. "The FBI was investigating claims of corruption within the Sunnydale police department. The investigation was dropped-"

"WHAT!"

Don put up a hand, Summers quieted. "The investigation was dropped about a month after the Sunnydale crater formed. Hard to complete an investigation when all files have been lost and the witnesses have scattered."

"Oohhh."

"I want you to review Lehane's file. Write up a report on errors you find."

"Yes, sir." Summers literally skipped off to her desk. Don could see why Lehane kept calling Buffy a cheerleader.

Don turned to the people assembled in the war room. "Okay, people, we've got a party to attend."

*to be continued*


	3. Had a Fed She Could Call, part two

Title: "Faith Never Had a Fed She Could Call, Part 2"  
Author: Bug Eyed Monster  
Rating: Adult to be safe  
Category: General  
Spoilers: End of TV series for Buffy; None for Numb3rs.  
Warnings: Language, references to child abuse- nothing specific.  
Summary: Faith follows up on Buffy's request a second time. Continuation of "Never Had a Fed Say 'Call Me' and "Never Had a Fed She Could Call 1." BtVS/Numb3rs crossover. Mild crossover with Early Edition.  
Disclaimer: I still don't own anything. *sob!*

(Author note: For those who don't know, Early Edition was a T.V. show where the main character, Gary Hobson, received the Chicago paper a day early. A mysterious cat usually accompanied the paper. Hobson was always trying to prevent the tragedies in the paper from occurring. I'd definitely recommend checking out the series.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Colby Granger leaned in. "Don, Lehane is on line 7 asking for Summers." Don once again tapped into the speaker and Colby signaled to Buffy.

Buffy picked up.

"Hey, Faith...."

Lehane didn't bother with the mock insult greetings. "Buff, ya' gotta get to these kids."  
"Huh?"  
{Clever comeback, Summers.}

Faith was sitting on the ledge of the payphone, her feet propped up on a cement pillar near the phone.

"Mrrown." Said the calico cat by the base of the payphone. Faith was looking at the article on the front. 23 kids brought in by slavers found dead in a shipping container. Or they would be, if she couldn't get someone to them.

"They're in a blue shipping container. It's got China Shippin' on the side. Number 182. I ain't exactly sure where in the yard it's been dumped, but it's near the water." The article showed a picture of the container. Lucky for the kids.

Back in the Federal Building, Don's eyebrows went up as he glanced at Megan. Summers gave Faith a non-verbal "I'm listening" sound.

"They've been in there for a few days with their water running dry. The fu**ing bastards didn't put enough in there, and it's been hot. Now they're sittin' there, waitin' for the limp-dicks to pick 'em up."

"Ya' gotta get someone there, Buff. They ain't gonna' make it to tomorrow. Tell your boss whatever ya' need. Make up something 'bout me, if ya' need ta'. Just get someone there."

"I will. Promise."

Lehane hung up. Don swore under his breath. He picked up the phone and dialed. "Robin, we need a warrant."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don drove up to the door of the shipping office. Le stepped out of the office looking smug.

Don smirked at Le as he passed him the warrant and looked around the shipping yard. Le was clearly angry, but said nothing. Don was quietly grateful to Robin for finding a sympathetic judge willing to take the word of an ex-con with Lehane's rap sheet and push the warrant through on record time.

"Colby, take Buffy with you." Summers nodded and followed Colby.

Buffy had an attitude closer to Colby's when taking orders, she acted like a soldier, despite being a civvie.

And Don still couldn't find anyone who would give him even a *hint* at what her classified Homeland Security file contained.

"Okay, blue China Shipping box." Buffy said.

"There's got to be 30 dozen of them here." Colby said.

"She said it's near the water."

"I guess we start over at that end."

Buffy followed Colby, glancing at different blue containers and keeping her Slayer-ears perked for any sounds. A few rows over they split up, trying to cover more ground.

"I found it." Colby's voice came over Buffy's ear-bug. "The door's got a lock, Don, and some dick-head closed the vent." Buffy hurried over to Colby. He was at the side of a cadmium blue container, with the numbers 182 on the door.

Buffy looked at the lock. It would be no match for Slayer strength, but making with the explain-y for popping the lock didn't appeal to her.

Buffy went to look at the vent. Now that was do-able. She pulled her metal hairstick out. (The other was wood.) "Boost me." She said to Agent Granger.

"Excuse me?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Boost me up. I'll balance on your shoulders, and use this" here she waved her hairstick "to push open the vent."

"You'll balance on my shoulders?"

"I used to be a cheerleader in high school. I weigh 110 pounds, which should be easy-peasy to handle for a big strong strapping guy like you." Granger grinned at that, she knew a man-ho like Granger would eat up that compliment. Some men were so easy. Buffy stepped out of her pumps.

The boosting went without problems. Balancing on his shoulders was easier than it had been in high school with the other cheerleaders. Granger didn't wobble.

Once Buffy had a good look at the vent, she realized that she could not only push it open, but probably push it out.

Buffy looked down to see Agent Sinclair. "Hey, Sinclair, toss me up a screwdriver."  
"What?" Granger yelped.  
"Don't worry. I can catch." She said down to Granger. Someone passed a screwdriver to Sinclair, he tossed it to her. She caught it effortlessly.

"Nice catch." Granger quipped.  
"Told you I was a cheerleader."  
"Too bad you're not wearing the skirt."  
Buffy grinned down at Granger. "Maybe later."

Buffy attacked the vent with her hairstick and screwdriver. The vent was finally coaxed loose. She could hear the kids inside crying and saying stuff in some language.

Buffy tried to pull the vent outside, but there was a lip to the vent-hole. She balanced the vent on her hairstick and the screwdriver. "Look out below!" She yelled before letting the vent slowly slide off. It clattered as it hit the floor of the shipping container.

Buffy put her hairstick back in place, and tossed the screwdriver back to Sinclair. She flexed her knees and did a back-flip to a perfect landing behind Granger. "Nice." said Granger. Some of her fellow feds, techs and others gathered around applauded.

SAC Don Eppes grinned at her. "Nice show you two. Hope you're ready to do that again. The tech said it will take him two hours to cut the lock."

"Wouldn't cutting the door be quicker?"  
"One- he's worried about hurting the kids or starting a fire inside. Two- the container wall is pretty thick. Megan's getting some food and water you can lower down to the kids."

Summers mock saluted. "Aye aye captain." She turned to Granger. "Guess what, you get to look up my pant legs again!"

Eppes snorted. "Calm down and get a room later, you two. There's a translator here now-"

"I can boost her up." Buffy piped up. Don resisted saying anything, otherwise he would be agreeing with ex-con Lehane, who always called Buffy a cheerleader.

"I was thinking you could drop a phone in, and the translator could talk to the kids."

"Oh." Summers visibly deflated.

Five minutes later, Summers was back on Colby's shoulders, lowering a bag through the vent. The translator, Sue Huang, called the phone. One of the kids answered. She chatted with someone for a bit, then turned to Don. "There's four children who are really sick. The others are a bit weak."

"Right." Don said. "We need some ambulances here."

Sue kept up the conversation.

Three ambulances slowly made their way over.

The tech managed to cut the lock in record time- one hour. EMS evaluated everyone, and took five of the kids off to the hospital. The other kids were evaluated as mild heat exhaustion, with rest and plenty of fluids prescribed. ICE took the remaining kids to a safe-house.

Don sighed. Tonight was the party and auction. He really need to talk to Lehane. He was actually grateful to her (an ex-con!) for making this call- his mind was already too full of images of dead kids. His over-active imagination played images of what the kids would have looked like in another day. Or two. Or a week.

*fin*


	4. Never Made a Fed Bite His Tongue

Title: Faith Never Made a Fed Bite His Tongue

Author: Bug Eyed Monster

Rating: Teen for talk of excessive violence.

Category: Crossover.

Spoilers: Post TV series for BtVS, season 4 for Numb3rs

Warnings: Hints at aggressive violence.

Summary: Lehane plays hired hit man, while the feds listen in.

Disclaimer: I only wish that I owned the beautiful boys of Numb3rs. Don't own Faith either. If I did, she would have had a lot more airtime, maybe even her own show.

Author notes; {thoughts} is thoughts.

Don sat in a bureau car, his tongue playing with the toothpick in his mouth. The conversation came in clear over the wire.

"Bitch needs to learn a lesson."

"Hey, I ain't got no problem killing off the little wife, it's just the kids. Y'know how cops are when someone offs their kids, it's like they don't realize the kids don't belong to 'em. There's gonna' be fuss when the cops see the kids dead."

"They're no good to me anymore. She's poisoned them against me. The oldest don't even want to speak to me now."

{They're probably tired of your behavior.} Don thought.

Lenny McCoy continued. "I don't know about using a girl for the hit. I was looking for a man; he could take her down a few pegs. Let someone else have fun with her before she's dead." McCoy laughed at the thought of his ex-wife's impending humiliation.

"Hey, I can make her suffer first, if that's what you want. Make her think I'm gonna' not kill the kids if she behaves, I can get her to say she loves broomsticks up her c**t. I could even get her to go down on the dog."

Lehane and McCoy laughed. A round of suggestions on how to make the poor woman suffer before her death followed. Don took the crushed toothpick out of his mouth and put it in an old coffee cup turned car trashcan. He fished out gum.

A session of haggling began. Lehane quoted one price for offing just the wife, but more for the kids. McCoy of course, didn't want to pay Lehane too much. A deal was finally struck, with half up front, and the rest 'on delivery'.

"Good." Lehane said. Both parties were apparently happy with the deal. "Ya got the account number?"

"Sure do."

"Good, I'll pay your old family a visit the night after I get the funds. Gotta get some prep stuff first."

McCoy's bullyboys drove him off. Don realized he couldn't see Lehane.

"Damn, I've lost her, Don." Edgerton's frustrated voice came over the ear-bug.

"Anyone see Lehane?" Don asked.

"Negative."

"Nope."

"Nu-uh."

"I'm right here." Faith Lehane chirped in Don's ear as she stepped out of the darkness, her hands slapping his car door. Don jumped, his water bottle tipped, water splashing the car seat. "F**k S**t!" Don swore. Faith laughed and clapped her hands like a toddler.

Don got out of the car. He bit his tongue on chewing Lehane out. They needed her.

Lehane leaned in close but Don resisted moving away. "Aww... poor baby. Do ya' want me to kiss it and make it better."

Don glared at her. "Hell no."

Lehane laughed.

"So, ya' wanna' call Edgy out of the shadow over there." She pointed with her thumb.

"Someday I'm going to find out how you do that." Ian said as he stepped out of his cover.

"I've told you, you can come by for 'lessons' anytime." Lehane said. She made everything sound like innuendo.

Don pulled her attention back to the subject at hand. "Be ready for when he calls you." Faith nodded, all business. "We've got detail watching Ms. McCoy and the kids. Never know, he might try to hire someone else. Someone not so squeamish about the kids."

Lehane had been stretching as Colby watched. Her face was suddenly subdued at Don's comment about the kids.

Don sipped at his coffee as he walked over to his desk. Megan spoke without looking up from her monitor. "Merrick wants to see you in his office." She looked up over her reading glasses. "A brunette walked into his office very early this morning."

Megan's gaze returned to her monitor and the usual slew of paperwork duty. "She claims that Lenny McCoy is looking to hire someone to kill off his family. Seems he is a little upset with his wife filing for divorce and poisoning the kids against him."

"Lenny McCoy? Really?" He practically purred. Lenny was a two-bit thug with enough brains to cover his tracks. Pin McCoy, and he would happily roll over on his 'business buddies' to make a better deal.

Don glanced at the woman looking out the window of Merrick's office. Her back was to him. Waist length wavy brown hair, height maybe about 5-1, sturdy frame, muscled arms. "She seems a little small to be pegged as hired gun material." Don took a sip of his coffee.

Megan looked over her glasses again, and said. "Her name is Faith Lehane." Don managed not to spew his coffee all over his keyboard. "As in broke out of prison twice Lehane?"

"The very same."

Don frowned. "She has a Murder 2 rap to her name, why is she balking?" He mused aloud.

Megan looked at him over her reading glasses again. "Why don't you go into Merrick's office and find out?"

Don knocked on Merrick's doorframe, as the door was open. Merrick and Robin looked up; Lehane continued looking out the window at the street down below.

"Ms. Lehane, this is Special Agent Don Eppes, he will be the agent in charge of this case." Merrick said. "Don, Faith Lehane."

Lehane turned from the window and waggled her fingers at him. "Yo."

Don nodded and glanced down at the papers Robin had under one hand. Lehane had already given permission for wiretaps on her cell phone and hotel room phone.

"Lenny McCoy's little p.o.'ed at his little woman. One of his men was asking if I knew anyone who would kill off his family. I went ahead and said I'd take the job." Lehane looked at Robin, as if looking for an okay for something.

"Had he gotten any positive replies before yours?" Don asked.

Lehane shrugged.

"Then someone else might have already said yes." Don said. "I'll get a team out to tap your phone lines and you wait for the call back."

"What about the kids, he wanted his kids dead too." There was a worried plead in Lehane's voice; she was concerned for the kids.

"We will have agents watching them."

"Kids should be against the rules." Lehane said quietly.

Don paused, then said "Yeah. It would certainly cut out half my nightmares." He bit his tongue on asking Lehane if she would have taken the hit had Lenny McCoy only wanted the wife dead.

"Bet my nightmares are worse than yours." Lehane said with a challenging smirk.

Oh, hell, no way was he going to get into a nightmare-comparing-contest with Lehane.

Lehane's face lost the pensive look as soon as she noticed Colby staring at her stretch. She smirked and winked at Colby as she came out of her stretch. Colby wasn't drooling...yet. Don stepped between Colby and Lehane.

"Go get some rest, Lehane. Next few days will be-"

"Nerve-wrecking?" Faith smirked. "And speaking of rest- maybe I should call your dad and tell him you skipped lunch and you've been up late?" Don glared at her as she laughed.

"Later boys." Faith strutted off, waving at Colby like a porn version of a homecoming queen. She had that sexy walk down pat.

As soon as she was gone, David slapped Colby on one shoulder. "Ow!"

"She's an ex-con, Colby." Don said.

"And just think about what you might catch from a promiscuous ex-con like her." David snapped.

"Uhm... how about 'what a way to go!'?" Colby quipped.

*fin*


	5. Returned a Fed's Gun

Title: "Faith Never Returned a Fed's Gun"  
Author: Bug Eyed Monster  
Rating: Adult  
Category: General  
Spoilers: End of TV series for Buffy; None for Numb3rs.  
Warnings: Faith assaulting law enforcement officers.  
Summary: Faith is on a hunt, and Special Agent Don Eppes gets in her way.

Author's Note: I have nothing but respect for L.E.O.s (I still remember that cop who went out into traffic on Northwest Highway in Dallas, Texas, after an accident to direct the traffic around the accident, with nothing but the authority of his uniform to stop the cars. I was so impressed.) This is from Faith's P.O.V., and as she's an ex-con, I'm sure she knows lots of bad slang and cuss words for L.E.O.s.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Faith lightly jogged across the street from Dugan's hidey hole and into the park. Not his main one, but his head henchman's business.

"Freeze! FBI! On your knees, hands on your head, Lehane." Faith blinked and turned. Oh, goody, a febbie. She had to be slippin'.

The dark hair dude in the suit had to be a fed, he gave off that particular stink of 'federal building' all feds had. He was kinda' cute, dark hair and an ice cold glint in his dark eyes. His big gun was pointing right at her. Faith smirked, she wouldn't mind playing with his other gun, but she didn't have the time right now.

"Ooo. Nice." She put a bit of a hip-sway in her walk. "Hey, didn't you get the memo? I ain't wanted no more."

His eyes hardened even more and he repeated his demand for her surrender, adding "Now!"

Well, being on her knees could work here... Faith smirked as she interlaced her fingers on top of her head. She made sure to lean back a little and push her rack forward, and gave her hips a sultry twist as she went got down on her knees. She licked her lips and made her voice all throaty, "Do you like me in this position?"

The febbie cautiously approached her. He moved around behind her to cuff her.

Faith took advantage of her slayer abilities to launch herself at him, hitting him on his jaw and knocking him out.

Faith rifled through his pockets. She took his gun, noted his name as she glanced at his creds. Don Eppes, now why was that name familiar?

Faith took his gun and hurried off. She could hear someone else blundering about in the brush

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Faith took out her cell phone and hit a button.

"Yo, Red, tell me why the name Don Eppes sounds familiar."

Willow giggled. "He's Charlie's brother, remember? Professor Eppes had to have mentioned him about a gadzillion times."

Faith lay down on the motel bed. "Oh, yeah,... Charlie was a hottie. Too bad he wasn't into casual sex."

"Faith! I've told you before... you are not allowed to sex-play with the visiting professors. You go through men like some women go through pantyhose, leaving them crumpled in a corner, full of holes, waiting to be thrown away."

"Gee, Red. Professor Rhineman said it was a great way to go." Willow stammered, Faith could practically hear her blushing over the phone.

"Anyway, he recognized me. Got any ideas why?" Faith could hear computer keys clicking in the background.

"Faith + murder rap + FBI guy = gee wonder why?" Willow quipped. "Oh, he was in Fugitive Recovery for a while. Right around that time you escaped."

"First or second time?" Faith asked.

"First time. But from the report, it doesn't look like they thought to check Sunnydale at all. Someone communicated with the Sunnydale Police Department to tell them to warn us, me and Xander and Buffy, because they thought you might be out to hurt us, SPD promised to keep them updated and let the Feds know if they saw you." Willow sniffed. "Sunnydale PD never told us."

"Well, f*ck, I could have gone strip dancing at the Bronze."

Willow giggled. "Oh... oh... hey...."

Faith's nerves went on edge. "What?"

"Someone from the Feds was doing a review on the Sunnydale Police Department. Suspicions of corruption. But it sort of fell apart a few days after Sunnydale fell into the hole."

"Why, Red, you naughty girl. You're hacking into their files." Faith frowned in memory. "I know Richard was always meeting with the local sheriff, and he was real friendly with several, but it wasn't a *good* friendliness. Yo, like they was kinda' 'fraid of him."

"The fed's security is really good. I couldn't do it without cheating. Hey, I think I met their computer security guy at a convention once. Maybe I'll-"

"Red, you didn't tell me you started driving stick again." Faith grinned as Willow stammered again. All Red needed was a pair of glasses she could polish. "So, can you get me Charlie's addy? I need to drop off Eppes' gun."

"Faith! What did you do?"

"Nothing."Faith attempted to lie. She could practically hear Red's resolve face over the phone.

Faith sighed. "I sort of hit him and knocked him out and took his gun."

"Faith, you're not supposed to be assaulting law enforcement figures!"

"He was pointing his gun at me, and not the playing one either. Now that gun I wouldn't mind pointing at me." Red squealed. Faith continued. "I didn't want him shooting at me so I kinda' took off with it. That's why I need Professor Eppes' address- so I can drop it off."

Red sighed... "Did you find out anything on that guy and his cronies killing in the forest?"

"Yeah, and I think it's the real thing."

"I'll make up some protection crystals and have Dawnie send them to you."

"Red, I only need one."

"I know, but the others are for Special Agent Eppes' team. They're investigating the killings."

Faith sighed. "And how am I supposed to get the febbies to wear 'em?"

"You're a smart girl. I'm sure you can think of something."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Faith shifted the package under her arm and glanced at the house. There was a car in the driveway so hopefully someone was home. An older plump man opened the door to her knock. "Yes?" He sounded genuinely friendly.

"Yeah, I'm F-from the SWC, Professor Eppes taught a workshop one summer to some of our kids at the Joyce Summers school." She wondered if Special Agent Eppes had mentioned her name to anyone, other than other feds.

"Oh, right. Come on in. Charlie told me about that school. He really enjoyed teaching there. He said he'd love to do another summer workshop there again." She followed the man inside Charlie's house. Nice digs. The man turned his back on her, his guard totally down. Faith sighed.

The man fussed with dinner prep in the kitchen. Faith noticed that they had two refrigerators, like Willow did.

"I met him first at the NSA."

"Oh, you work for the NSA?"

"Naw, more like with. Y'know, when they need someone like me."

The man looked at her puzzled, "What is you do?" Faith resisted the temptation to say "wetworks" and replied with something she'd heard from a (not so) crusty old general. "The kind where if I tell ya', I gotta' lock ya' up under NORAD and feed ya' nothin' but mac-n-cheese MREs."

The man laughed. "Oh, I'm Alan-"

"Charlie's old man. Yeah, he mentioned you a bit. Mentioned his brother too. How's Don?"

"In a right fuss. Would you believe some ex-con stole his gun?"

Faith smirked. What was it with cops and their guns? You'd think she'd stolen his penis. Not that she'd mind playing with his penis for a bit.

She leaned forward a bit, not to reveal any cleavage, but to act interested. "He say who?"

"No. He has an ugly bruise on his jaw from where the ex-con hit him."

{Yeah!} "And I'm forgetting my manners. Faith Lehane. And you can tell Don I'd be willing to kiss it and make it better. Charlie showed me his brother's pic. Real hottie."

Alan Eppes shook a knife at her, "Behave young lady." A matchmaking gleam came into his eye. Uh-oh. She'd seen that look when Willow had been preggers. "He's not dating anyone at the moment though. How did you start working with the NSA?"

"I'm with the SWC. They're a bunch of folks who read moldy old books. But some assist the - the cops on cult related murders. Me, I'm sort of their go-get girl. Some folks steal 'religious/occult' artifacts and I go get 'em back." The well practiced official explanation tripped lightly off her tongue.

Alan blinked. "Cult related murders?" Folks always focused on that rather than the Tomb Raider bit.

"Yeah, some folks believe in demons. And if you sacrifice people to these demons, the demons will grant you power. Ya' don't hear much about it, 'cause the officials don't want mob-y people in the streets screaming 'devil worshipper!' Plus some folks think that if someone is practicing witchcraft, well that's practically demon worship."

"So some L.E.O.s" (Faith bit off saying "bitches", old man Eppes might not like hearing his Donnie called that) "worry about a torch-bearing mob wanting to burn up some innocent kids and books 'cause the mob-y folks think that the witches are responsible for the killings. Or starting it. Or whatever."

Alan listened to her with wide eyes. Faith continued, wondering if Alan would convey the conversation to his b*tch boy later. "There's always ways to tell if someone's following old demon worshiping rites. Ya' supposed to feed the 'white goat' (a.k.a. human sacrifice) certain foods. Ya' ain't supposed to touch them- y'know, like the old rumors of the virgin sacrifice? They don't have to be virgins, but ya' can't fool with 'em. Guess the demons like their sacrifices unspoiled."

"And then ya' have to find the exact ritual the wannabes are using. That's where I get lost, I'm not exactly book-worm girl."

"Well... I'd never imagined..." Alan shuddered. "And I don't want to think on it either." He turned toward her, that match-making gleam back in his eye. Special Agent Eppes would probably cure his dad of that later.

The door opened and Professor Eppes came into the kitchen. "Faith!" He hugged her. "How are you?"

"Good. Look, can you give this box to your brother?"

"Sure. When did you get into town?"

"Last week. Look.." Faith dug into a pocket and pulled out two cards. "This is Giles' and this is Rosenburg's. They're with the SWC. Tell your brother he might want to talk with them about forest killings."  
She watched as Charlie faltered a bit. "Wh-at? Why?"

"Stuff like this has happened before. Giles and Rosenburg are good folks, Charlie. All nice and trustworthy. Tell your bro when he checks 'em out, to say hi to Riley Finn or Jack O'Neill for me. Oh, and he and his team should wear these crystals. If the Forest Killer or any of his cronies see them wearing it, they'll believe that the feds can see 'em now."

"What?!" Charlie said. "That stuff is-"

"Don't matter whether you believe, just remember the killers believe it."

"Fine." Charlie said.

"Like, they think that they're working magic so no one can pinpoint their main hideout, where they do their sacrifices. But if they hear 'bout your bro and his team wearing those, they'll know Special Agent Eppes's got a witch on his side, and her magic will help him find them. So maybe they make a mistake or two 'cause the feds can *see* 'em now."

Charlie snorted. "Faith...."

"I gotta' go. See ya' later."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Author's note. If anyone feels like taking this ficlet and running off with it, feel free!)


	6. Was Almost Rescued by the Feds

Title: Faith Never... Was Almost Rescued by the Feds  
Author: Bug Eyed Monster  
Rating: Teen  
Category: General  
Spoilers: End of season for BtVS, season 5 for Numb3rs.  
Warnings: implied violence. Faith calling LEOs a bad word.  
Summary: Don and team attempt to rescue a kidnap-pee.  
Disclaimer: I don't own BtVS and only wish I owned the beautiful boys of Numb3rs. Sob.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don flipped open his cell phone. "Eppes."

Nikki spoke. "I'm not in danger of breaking my cover. But you might be able to catch Garson on something."

Don smirked. "Really?"

"Kidnapping."

Sh*t. "Who did he kidnap?"

"Whom." Nikki said. Don rolled his eyes. Nikki continued. "She said her name was Faith Lehane. Said she was from the SWC. She's been attempting lure a few street girls into their schools. The organization is legit- I checked. They have five girls' schools."

"That name, Faith Lehane.... it's familiar." Don typed the name into his computer. Don blinked at the record that came up. He rattled off Lehane's description and tattoos to Nikki and she confirmed.

"Nikki, she's an ex-con, why did he kidnap her?"

"He thinks she's a plant."

Don snorted.

"It's really funny. One of the girls she recruited for that school, Jennifer Hash, her father has been abusing the family. Someone from the school wired money to Lehane and she was assisting the family in packing up when hubby Oscar Hash came home. Hash is six-two, Lehane is *maybe* 5 feet tall. She put him in a hold, and then duct-taped him like a runaway pig." Nikki recounted.

Don had to smile at the image of a kid beating jackass hog-tied with duct tape.

"Hash is one of Garson's muscle boys. Now Garson and Hash think she's a snitch. I found out where they are holding her." Nikki rattled off the address.

"Thanks, Nikki."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don signaled to Shreve and Tzu to take the lead. Tzu used the battering ram on the door. The feds swarmed in and...

Three of Garson's men were on the floor. Don crept forward and checked the pulse on one.

"Don, look at his hands." Colby said. Fresh burns were on his hands. Don turned the man's hand around. There was something familiar about the shape of the burn... as if someone had heated his gun. Don checked the other two. Both had the same burns on their hands. Don very gently touched one of the guns as he and Colby collected them. They were warm.

They found other men also unconscious, again with burns on their hands, their guns warm.

The last set of double doors was kicked open, surprising a red-haired woman. "Freeze! F.B.I.!" She spun around to face them, her face darkened with anger, one hand raised.

She was wearing a frog pajama top, jeans, and was barefoot. Garson and two men were unconscious on the floor. A very battered Lehane was chained in a chair behind the redhead.

He could see the redhead's eyes spot the letters on their vests. She dropped her hand and blushed. "Oh, oh Goddess! Why didn't you tell me you guys were feds? Oh, Goddess." She flustered and blushed even more.

Don stepped over Garson and moved around the redhead to check Lehane's bonds. (Colby and David quickly cuffed Garson and the two men.) The chains were bolted to the cement floor. The chains themselves looked like something one might try to use to restrain a boat in a hurricane, and were coated with some unidentified fine white powder.

Don called in his ear-bug for cutting equipment, giving the tech a description of the chains and their coating. He was careful not to touch the powder.

The redhead was nervously shifting her weight from foot to foot. Lehane cracked a swollen eye, smiled gingerly with her bleeding bruised lips and rasped. "Thanks for introducing me to a genuinely new experience."

"And what experience is that?" Don asked.

"Being pleased to see you b*tches."

"FAITH! That's not very nice." The redhead turned to Don. "Don't mind her, she's had a couple of rather rough days." The redhead stuck out her hand. "Willow Rosenberg."

"Doctor." Lehane rasped.

Don was about to reply that an ambulance was already on the way when Rosenberg blushed and spoke. "I'm not used to the Doctor bit yet. Doctorates in Computer Programming and Mythology. So absolutely no good in advanced medical stuff, just first aid, speaking of which..."

Don blinked, Rosenberg had said all that in one breath. Dr. Rosenberg turned around and was now fussing over Lehane. Lehane snapped a bit but bore Rosenberg's fussing remarkably well for an ex-con.

"Oh, do any of you nice friendly F.B.I. guys have some water?" Rosenberg asked. It was funny, watching her direct the words "nicely friendly F.B.I. guys" towards Lehane.

Don stepped back for the gas mask wearing tech and his tools. "We've got an ambulance on the way." Don told Rosenberg.

"Oh, fu*k he'elle no... don' like hos'pi'als." Lehane squirmed and made a valiant effort to escape her chains. The tech stepped back, alarmed as some of the powder on the chains rose into the air. It drifted back onto Lehane, and she stopped, struggling to catch her breath. Don frowned, the powder seemed to be weakening Lehane and affecting her breathing.

Rosenberg leaned over Lehane and made soothing noises. "Faith, it's okay, just go for tonight and then tomorrow you can check yourself out AMA like you always do. Now behave and let the nice good looking F.B.I. guy cut you loose." Lehane eventually calmed down, though she continued to glare balefully at the tech.

Don tugged on Rosenberg's arm and pulled her back as the tech went to work on the heavy chains and the EMS arrived to work on Lehane. "You want to tell me what happened here?"

Willow Rosenberg glanced at the hand-cuffed men still unconscious on the floor. Now that they were cuffed, the burns on their hands were very visible.

Rosenberg looked at Don with a sunny smile. "Would you believe me if I said that I'm a witch and I cast a very strong heating spell on their guns and then a sleeping spell on the baddies?"

*fin*


	7. Never Threatened a Fed

Title: Faith Never... Threatened a Fed

Author: Bug Eyed Monster

Rating: Teen

Category: crossover

Spoilers: None for Numb3rs, post tv series for BtVS.

Warnings: None

Summary: Faith delivers the shovel speech to Willow's new significant other.

Notes: {xxx} refers to thoughts.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, especially not Don or Willow, but those two might make a cute couple, with the way they both seem to have a need for faith and a "belief in something greater." I'm sure that Alan would love Willow, and would embarrass Willow with requests for grandchildren.

Faith couldn't believe it. Willow had gone back to driving stick. Xander had told her about Red's new boy-toy. An F.B.I. Special Agent, who once worked Fugitive Recovery, catcher of serial killers and ding-er of spree killers. A Fed, Willow was dating a Fed. {Well at least he's Jewish.}

Red and her new boink-toy were all dressed up outside some auditorium. Everyone milling around wore suits and dresses. The streetlights cast a slight off color shade to Red's lipstick, making it look purple.

She stepped out of the shadows and strode right up to Red and Boy-Toy. So what if he was a fed, this needed to be said.

{Ergh. I just rhymed.}

The Fed perked right up on seeing her, and his eyes narrowed. Faith wondered if he recognized her.

Boy-Toy kept his hands close to his waist, one hand almost under his suit jacket, probably near his gun. He gave off "tense waiting for something to happen" like a firecracker. {What kind of show was Red going to see, that her date needed to go packin'. Or maybe it's a cop gotta' have his gun nearby thing.}

"Hi, Faith. Did you come to hear the debate?" Red greeted cheerfully.

"Naw, I'm here for something else entirely." Faith felt an evil grin take over her face.

Willow sighed and shook her head. "I'm sorry, Don, but I think you're in for the shovel speech."

"Excuse me?" Special Agent Don Eppes asked. Faith mildly wondered how an agent became 'special' anyway.

"Shovel Speech." Faith said. "As in hurt my dear enemy Willow Rosenberg, a.k.a. Red, I'll hunt you down and bludgeon you to death with a shovel. Got it?"

The fed blinked, then he actually relaxed a bit, moved his hand out from under his suit and said, "Yeah. I get it."

"Good." Faith turned to Red. "Have you introduced him to Xander, B and Little D yet?" The fed rolled his eyes.

"Yes." Red said. "And there was much talk of shovel bludgeoning, beaten to death with one's own limbs, oh, and knives being used to cut off the fun parts."

Faith laughed at that. "Let me guess, Dawnie threaten to cut off his Mr. Happy."

The fed blushed a little bit, even though his face was a perfect poker-face.

"Yes, she did!" Red said. "When did Dawn become so blood-thirsty?!"

"Aww...*sniff* my little Dawnie's all grown up." Faith said with mock sadness.

Red left her boy toy's side and advanced on Faith with that damned Resolve Face. "You better not be corrupting Dawn, young lady."

Faith backed up and put up her hands. "Hey, I had nothing to do with it. Spike started it."

"And who bought her the fake IDs?" Red asked as she crossed her arms.

"I didn't buy them for her, I just sort of pointed her in the direction to get the things. And besides, she asked first."

Behind Red, Faith could see Special Agent Don Eppes laughing.

*fin*


End file.
